Change By Force

When a child has incorrect behavior, it is beneficial to perform some type of action to curb that type of action.  Whatever method is chosen, the child must first a) understand what they did wrong, b) know what to do instead next time or why it is wrong, and c) consequences (that should be followed through) await for non-compliance.  If these conditions are not met, the child will most likely not learn a damn thing.

I know I lived a good five years of my life with blinders on.  I think my parents did a wonderful job raising me until I moved away, went to college, got married, and started my own life independent of them.  Then, I promptly proceeded to learn to be closed-minded, hard-headed, or both.  I believe that I developed over time into a total ass, jerk, and pitiful life partner.  For anyone alive.  Including myself.

As a male comedian I saw on TV said, "If you are alone and 30 and you still think guys are no good, Girl, It's you."  I think this applies to a good percentage of the general population.  It definitely applied to me when I became 'alone' three years ago.

In my previous post I discussed what I discovered about being internally happy.  Not independent of this process is realizing how you actually conduct yourself, treat others, and the opinions of those closest to you.  Only after I realized (at the conclusion of my previous life) after all the pain and the fact that hope was gone, that I had not managed it well, or well, not at all.  So, I exited the 'want to' part of life, and entered 'have to' mode.  And I hate to 'have to' more than anything.

Counseling can be beneficial to help one understand what has happened when one has no idea what happened, but only if one is willing to accept such understanding.  I can tell you that I am hard-headed, Thanks Dad.  Conseling pointed it out.  I could then try to do something about it.

There are a few things that have permanently stuck in my brain from Counselor Enie, stuck in the front, easily accessible; easy to apply.  One of them is this:

"Is what I'm doing now getting me the results I want?"   This is an evaluation tool I use regularly, and it has changed my point of view on my life, my treatment of others, and yes, my Happyness. I began to Change By Force, that is, by the force of my own mind.  No one could have made me do it.  No one could or can make me.  Ever. Never.  Still never.

I have told friends that I would not be the man, the person, the friend I am today if I had not gone through the loss of someone that I once loved and taken it personally. A friend one day told me one day that I was 'well-adjusted' after sharing my point of view with them.  Maybe so.  I shall not lose the things I lost again.  Well, at least those things that are within the bounds under my control, which are.....precious little.  And I just happen to like thinking about them just that way.