Posts
I was discussing with a friend today about something that I had been trying to write and was having issues. I wasn't entirely sure how to start it, but this is a great way:
Through all my trials, all the lessons I have learned, and now that I am currently retired, learned that friends mean the world to me. During some of my lowest times, I would go to work, work all morning, go to lunch with a group, eat lunch, drive back, work the afternoon, and arrive back at my apartment without speaking a single word unless directly spoken to, and then sometimes, not even then.
But, I had a few folks that stood back and watched, observed, let me work it out, stood by me, protected me from myself, and then helped me when I was ready for a little help. Some of those people that 'helped' me through that specific time are, and will continue to be, friends that are, well, mine. My friends. Some of the best on this planet, in fact.
And I say this not because I need something from them everytime I contact them; I contact them because I want to. I have standing social lunch dates on specific days; I have friends that I drive forever to see; I have friends I meet for certain weekly events; I have friends that I just enjoy. For them. For who they are. To listen to them. Sometimes with sensitive information or news that they have chosen to share. And I share my news as well, because I want their take. Their opinion. I'm interested in their lives; and maybe they have interest in mine. Maybe it makes their life better.
One of the reasons I chose to being this blog, is that I seem to have more intellectual conversations nowdays. Some of that may be the fact that I have the guts to ask the next question. And keep asking it. Or maybe I've learned that my friends have a special, very important point of view. Theirs. Most of them have, frankly, profound things to share. I feel satisifed; fufilled; enlightened; learned. Maybe some of what I've learned from my friends will make your life better.
Sister is moving. To Colorado. Two days from now. I have been here for over a decade. She is my family here. People have asked me why I still live here, why I haven't considered moving closer to Dad, or moving wherever. The fact is that I haven't really considered it. And now that my Sister is moving to Colorado, where I bike ride in the summer and ski in the winter, do I consider the move? Not really. At least not yet. Maybe when I haven't seen my niece and nephew in some time; maybe when it becons and calls me someday too strong to ignore..... who knows? What will the future bring? Heaven knows. But I know why I'm here and enjoy life....enjoying the relationships I have here, with my many, many friends. They are my life. They make my life better. Far better.
There was a time in my past when I did not cherish my friends. I lost my focus. Without knowing, it just happened. Without my approval. I just woke up one day and realized that I was apart from them. So I began to recall; began to mend. Began to find and show them why they were my friends and how I missed them. I bought season tickets with one. Called others. Fortunately, friends forgive. Mine did. I still have the tickets, and now am surrounded with others that have become my friends. It makes my football games better.
I was recently reminded how important my friends are. I had someone that didn't understand that. In retrospect, it is unfortunate that this person had signinficant issues with every one of my friends. Every one. Fortunately, my friends are my friends for reasons: Some are assholes. Some are geeks. Some are whiny. Some are young, some old, some stupid, some not. Some are funny; some look funny; some smell funny. But they are my friends for some reason, and I keep all of them in my life because I want them there. To make my life better. And they do. Every one. Every single last smelly, stupid looking one. Even Lars.
It's been good to be with friends. And, it will absolutely, undoubtedly continue to be. And I won't trade them for anything, won't trade a single one. Ever.
This week I'm headed to Colorado to help Sister move. Guess that is what little Brothers do. I'm meeting some friends I met last summer there riding bike. I couldn't wait to see them again, to ride with them again, to just enjoy pleasant, good, outstanding times with them, to enjoy life. So, I'm not. I'm gonna ski with them before I ride with them again; I'm seeing them in a week. And I can't wait. Really. Life is just better that way sometimes.
Here's to friends: Thanks. For Everything. Really.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
What I Finally Said
Jose (J): "So we got in an arugment last night."
Counselor Enie (CE): "Oh? Well how did it go?"
J: "Well, she said this and I said that and she said this and I said that. Then she said this. I said that. Then she said this."
CE: "Then what did you say?"
J: "I didn't say anything."
Not quite verbatim (never have been, never will), but I think you get the point. Counselor Enie did. Then, she wrote down probably the most influential statement in my notebook for me to ponder:
Most People Stop Life One Sentence Too Short.
No kidding. I was really good at that. I could keep it all to myself. I didn't have to share anything with anyone. And you couldn't make me. Nobody could make me. Ever.
Looking back at my previous life, I can recall a request during a rather heated discussion: "All I'm looking for is a response." And I just stood there. It wasn't that I didn't have anyting to say...my mind was swimming. I simply couldn't decide what to say. So I said a whole lot with my blank stare. Probably didn't help my case that much at all.
I think this was around the same time when Counselor Enie suggested that it would be good for me to do some homework for next time. I was asked to start a conversation during the week with someone I did not know, and in the course of the conversation, share something personal with them about me. If someone would have asked me to shoot the Pope instead, I'd have bought a ticket to Italy. I had a few issues.
Anyhoo, over a period of time, I learned to speak the next words, and over time, began to reap benefits. First, conversations were far more interesting. And, far more satisfying to me, my questions that I never seemed to have the initiative to ask were getting answered. Enlightened I was.
And continue to be. You can't shut me up. Almost female-esque, but not quite. And life is far more enjoyable. Speaking that next group of words can make a difference sometimes. It did for me.
Counselor Enie (CE): "Oh? Well how did it go?"
J: "Well, she said this and I said that and she said this and I said that. Then she said this. I said that. Then she said this."
CE: "Then what did you say?"
J: "I didn't say anything."
Not quite verbatim (never have been, never will), but I think you get the point. Counselor Enie did. Then, she wrote down probably the most influential statement in my notebook for me to ponder:
Most People Stop Life One Sentence Too Short.
No kidding. I was really good at that. I could keep it all to myself. I didn't have to share anything with anyone. And you couldn't make me. Nobody could make me. Ever.
Looking back at my previous life, I can recall a request during a rather heated discussion: "All I'm looking for is a response." And I just stood there. It wasn't that I didn't have anyting to say...my mind was swimming. I simply couldn't decide what to say. So I said a whole lot with my blank stare. Probably didn't help my case that much at all.
I think this was around the same time when Counselor Enie suggested that it would be good for me to do some homework for next time. I was asked to start a conversation during the week with someone I did not know, and in the course of the conversation, share something personal with them about me. If someone would have asked me to shoot the Pope instead, I'd have bought a ticket to Italy. I had a few issues.
Anyhoo, over a period of time, I learned to speak the next words, and over time, began to reap benefits. First, conversations were far more interesting. And, far more satisfying to me, my questions that I never seemed to have the initiative to ask were getting answered. Enlightened I was.
And continue to be. You can't shut me up. Almost female-esque, but not quite. And life is far more enjoyable. Speaking that next group of words can make a difference sometimes. It did for me.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Looking out for No One.
I begin a new series with this post: Life rules.
Rule Numero Uno:
No One is Looking out for Hugh Except for Hugh.
I know, you've heard the 'no one is looking out for you except...' before, but that does not speak volumes to me like Hugh did.
I'm sure that Hugh means well. I'm sure that there are folks in another dimension (not the one earth uses) that would prove Hugh beneficial in some fashion. Maybe I just missed it.
A few clicks back, I worked for Hugh. Or, tried to. Really I did. And I am sure that most of you out there have worked for someone similar.
"I need that Now! My way or the highway! I don't care what you think. You're stupid. I can't have you do anything right."
I think the final straw came one day when i wouldn't sign a document for him. It did not meet the requirements; it was being 'forced' thru, and HAD to be done right NOW. And he couldn't sign it. As I remember this was about the 4th right NOW for this particular item; I was used to this- Standard operating procedure. The refusal to approve and seal that document was probably the end of that working relationship for me and Hugh. Sorry, but there are reasons why you put a waterline a certain distance from a sanitary line, and reasons why you always put the waterline on top.
On the same project, about three months after separation, I get a call from the drafter:
Drafter: "Hey, do you remember the hotel project?"
Me: "Yep."
Drafter: "Hugh had a question."
Me: "Oh? What kind of question?"
Drafter: "He wants to know who sized the sewer line under the street that we just poured."
Me: "Hugh did. Told me how big and do it right then. He said to screw the calculations. Something wrong?"
Drafter: "He wants to know who sized the f'n pipe that we put under the street. Not big enough."
And probably my favorite story of all (by email):
Hugh (H) to Survey (S): "Hey, I just got emailed the survey for XX project and tried to print it out 11X17 and it came out letter size. Can you re-do it so it prints right?"
S to H: "Ok, here it is again. See if this works for you."
H to S: "I think you sent me the same file, still printed out letter size."
S to H: "No, that is the new file. Formatted to 11X17. You might have to change your print options."
H to S and cc:ME: "It should know what size I want to print. Maybe Jose' knows....."
Hugh is a short dude. Cannot escape from my mind the image of him one day (about a foot shorter than I, or maybe it just seemed that way) breathing hard. I think he ran the stairs instead of the elevator that time. Didn't give me enough lead time to print the copies he needed for a meeting. Wasn't patient enough to wait for them, so they just got trashed when the printed. He immediately left for the meeting to which he was already late. Always seemed to happen that way for some reason.
Anyway, it didn't end on a bad note though. After we decided we coudn't work together, there was no other postion in the company, so I was given a month to find other employment and help train the next person to take my place. About two weeks in to the month, I got the news that "I was no longer working for the group, and I was just visiting" from my work mates.
The day after my last was the Company Chrstmas Party, and I got an invite. My friend got me the best present ever for Christmas that year, and I wore it - with pride. Still have it.
Rule Numero Uno:
No One is Looking out for Hugh Except for Hugh.
I know, you've heard the 'no one is looking out for you except...' before, but that does not speak volumes to me like Hugh did.
I'm sure that Hugh means well. I'm sure that there are folks in another dimension (not the one earth uses) that would prove Hugh beneficial in some fashion. Maybe I just missed it.
A few clicks back, I worked for Hugh. Or, tried to. Really I did. And I am sure that most of you out there have worked for someone similar.
"I need that Now! My way or the highway! I don't care what you think. You're stupid. I can't have you do anything right."
I think the final straw came one day when i wouldn't sign a document for him. It did not meet the requirements; it was being 'forced' thru, and HAD to be done right NOW. And he couldn't sign it. As I remember this was about the 4th right NOW for this particular item; I was used to this- Standard operating procedure. The refusal to approve and seal that document was probably the end of that working relationship for me and Hugh. Sorry, but there are reasons why you put a waterline a certain distance from a sanitary line, and reasons why you always put the waterline on top.
On the same project, about three months after separation, I get a call from the drafter:
Drafter: "Hey, do you remember the hotel project?"
Me: "Yep."
Drafter: "Hugh had a question."
Me: "Oh? What kind of question?"
Drafter: "He wants to know who sized the sewer line under the street that we just poured."
Me: "Hugh did. Told me how big and do it right then. He said to screw the calculations. Something wrong?"
Drafter: "He wants to know who sized the f'n pipe that we put under the street. Not big enough."
And probably my favorite story of all (by email):
Hugh (H) to Survey (S): "Hey, I just got emailed the survey for XX project and tried to print it out 11X17 and it came out letter size. Can you re-do it so it prints right?"
S to H: "Ok, here it is again. See if this works for you."
H to S: "I think you sent me the same file, still printed out letter size."
S to H: "No, that is the new file. Formatted to 11X17. You might have to change your print options."
H to S and cc:ME: "It should know what size I want to print. Maybe Jose' knows....."
Hugh is a short dude. Cannot escape from my mind the image of him one day (about a foot shorter than I, or maybe it just seemed that way) breathing hard. I think he ran the stairs instead of the elevator that time. Didn't give me enough lead time to print the copies he needed for a meeting. Wasn't patient enough to wait for them, so they just got trashed when the printed. He immediately left for the meeting to which he was already late. Always seemed to happen that way for some reason.
Anyway, it didn't end on a bad note though. After we decided we coudn't work together, there was no other postion in the company, so I was given a month to find other employment and help train the next person to take my place. About two weeks in to the month, I got the news that "I was no longer working for the group, and I was just visiting" from my work mates.
The day after my last was the Company Chrstmas Party, and I got an invite. My friend got me the best present ever for Christmas that year, and I wore it - with pride. Still have it.
What Can I say?
Best Nametag. Evar.
What a dick.
So just remeber when you are putting in that extra effort....Only one is lookin' out for you: You are.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Stupid is as stupid does.
I have been observing for a few years, and every now and then I am reminded with information that contuinues to validate this position: People are Inherently Stupid.
My home page, LST has directly enlightened me:
The basic laws of Human Stupidity. What a great explanation. I knew they were out there.
I have been driving lots this year. My Dad is in poor medical condition since the passing of my Mother in late 2008 unexpectedly. Since I live about 300 miles from him, I have been fortunate enough to be able to travel to see him often. Not to mention that a girl lives near him that I have taken a fairly serious liking to. Driving from south texas to north texas every weekend for a few months has allowed me to observe some behaviors of others that I would place in this category.
Let me set the stage: IH 45 from Corsicana, Texas to The Woodlands, Texas. Anyone that has traveled this stretch of road knows there ain't much out there. An exit about every 10 miles to little crappy towns is about all the excitement there is. A great Auto option Cruise-Control situation: 150 miles of nothingness.
When I set the cruise control, inevitably, some person (let's call him stupid) will latch on and follow for miles about two or three car lengths back in the right hand lane. Just me and them - enjoying the nothingness. Then, as predictable as the hour comes, two things happen: a) me and stupid approach a car (let's call him idiot) driving 2 mph slower than us, and b) just as we approach to pass idiot, stupid speeds to violate not only blind spot, but comes along side me to match my speed.
Then the magic happens: Stupid matches idiots' speed when he comes alongside idiot. It's magical. Unexplainable. Really. Then, for the next few miles, idiot speeds up, slows, all the while matching the speed of stupid.
Amazingly, after a few minutes, stupid, accelerating slowly passes idiot. Stupid moves back to the right hand lane, and I re-engage cruise-control. After passing stupid, he resumes two car lengths behind me again and matches my speed. Until the next idiot.
I went to a party over Christmas holidays, and heard a story about a rather small lady driving a big truck, and not being happy with the speed of a car in the passing lane, proceeded to 'push' slower car down the freeway until she reached her wanted speed. Kudos, Miss....you rock. I might try that right after i get a cattle rack on the front of my truck.
My home page, LST has directly enlightened me:
The basic laws of Human Stupidity. What a great explanation. I knew they were out there.
I have been driving lots this year. My Dad is in poor medical condition since the passing of my Mother in late 2008 unexpectedly. Since I live about 300 miles from him, I have been fortunate enough to be able to travel to see him often. Not to mention that a girl lives near him that I have taken a fairly serious liking to. Driving from south texas to north texas every weekend for a few months has allowed me to observe some behaviors of others that I would place in this category.
Let me set the stage: IH 45 from Corsicana, Texas to The Woodlands, Texas. Anyone that has traveled this stretch of road knows there ain't much out there. An exit about every 10 miles to little crappy towns is about all the excitement there is. A great Auto option Cruise-Control situation: 150 miles of nothingness.
When I set the cruise control, inevitably, some person (let's call him stupid) will latch on and follow for miles about two or three car lengths back in the right hand lane. Just me and them - enjoying the nothingness. Then, as predictable as the hour comes, two things happen: a) me and stupid approach a car (let's call him idiot) driving 2 mph slower than us, and b) just as we approach to pass idiot, stupid speeds to violate not only blind spot, but comes along side me to match my speed.
Then the magic happens: Stupid matches idiots' speed when he comes alongside idiot. It's magical. Unexplainable. Really. Then, for the next few miles, idiot speeds up, slows, all the while matching the speed of stupid.
Amazingly, after a few minutes, stupid, accelerating slowly passes idiot. Stupid moves back to the right hand lane, and I re-engage cruise-control. After passing stupid, he resumes two car lengths behind me again and matches my speed. Until the next idiot.
I went to a party over Christmas holidays, and heard a story about a rather small lady driving a big truck, and not being happy with the speed of a car in the passing lane, proceeded to 'push' slower car down the freeway until she reached her wanted speed. Kudos, Miss....you rock. I might try that right after i get a cattle rack on the front of my truck.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Change By Force
When a child has incorrect behavior, it is beneficial to perform some type of action to curb that type of action. Whatever method is chosen, the child must first a) understand what they did wrong, b) know what to do instead next time or why it is wrong, and c) consequences (that should be followed through) await for non-compliance. If these conditions are not met, the child will most likely not learn a damn thing.
I know I lived a good five years of my life with blinders on. I think my parents did a wonderful job raising me until I moved away, went to college, got married, and started my own life independent of them. Then, I promptly proceeded to learn to be closed-minded, hard-headed, or both. I believe that I developed over time into a total ass, jerk, and pitiful life partner. For anyone alive. Including myself.
As a male comedian I saw on TV said, "If you are alone and 30 and you still think guys are no good, Girl, It's you." I think this applies to a good percentage of the general population. It definitely applied to me when I became 'alone' three years ago.
In my previous post I discussed what I discovered about being internally happy. Not independent of this process is realizing how you actually conduct yourself, treat others, and the opinions of those closest to you. Only after I realized (at the conclusion of my previous life) after all the pain and the fact that hope was gone, that I had not managed it well, or well, not at all. So, I exited the 'want to' part of life, and entered 'have to' mode. And I hate to 'have to' more than anything.
Counseling can be beneficial to help one understand what has happened when one has no idea what happened, but only if one is willing to accept such understanding. I can tell you that I am hard-headed, Thanks Dad. Conseling pointed it out. I could then try to do something about it.
There are a few things that have permanently stuck in my brain from Counselor Enie, stuck in the front, easily accessible; easy to apply. One of them is this:
"Is what I'm doing now getting me the results I want?" This is an evaluation tool I use regularly, and it has changed my point of view on my life, my treatment of others, and yes, my Happyness. I began to Change By Force, that is, by the force of my own mind. No one could have made me do it. No one could or can make me. Ever. Never. Still never.
I have told friends that I would not be the man, the person, the friend I am today if I had not gone through the loss of someone that I once loved and taken it personally. A friend one day told me one day that I was 'well-adjusted' after sharing my point of view with them. Maybe so. I shall not lose the things I lost again. Well, at least those things that are within the bounds under my control, which are.....precious little. And I just happen to like thinking about them just that way.
I know I lived a good five years of my life with blinders on. I think my parents did a wonderful job raising me until I moved away, went to college, got married, and started my own life independent of them. Then, I promptly proceeded to learn to be closed-minded, hard-headed, or both. I believe that I developed over time into a total ass, jerk, and pitiful life partner. For anyone alive. Including myself.
As a male comedian I saw on TV said, "If you are alone and 30 and you still think guys are no good, Girl, It's you." I think this applies to a good percentage of the general population. It definitely applied to me when I became 'alone' three years ago.
In my previous post I discussed what I discovered about being internally happy. Not independent of this process is realizing how you actually conduct yourself, treat others, and the opinions of those closest to you. Only after I realized (at the conclusion of my previous life) after all the pain and the fact that hope was gone, that I had not managed it well, or well, not at all. So, I exited the 'want to' part of life, and entered 'have to' mode. And I hate to 'have to' more than anything.
Counseling can be beneficial to help one understand what has happened when one has no idea what happened, but only if one is willing to accept such understanding. I can tell you that I am hard-headed, Thanks Dad. Conseling pointed it out. I could then try to do something about it.
There are a few things that have permanently stuck in my brain from Counselor Enie, stuck in the front, easily accessible; easy to apply. One of them is this:
"Is what I'm doing now getting me the results I want?" This is an evaluation tool I use regularly, and it has changed my point of view on my life, my treatment of others, and yes, my Happyness. I began to Change By Force, that is, by the force of my own mind. No one could have made me do it. No one could or can make me. Ever. Never. Still never.
I have told friends that I would not be the man, the person, the friend I am today if I had not gone through the loss of someone that I once loved and taken it personally. A friend one day told me one day that I was 'well-adjusted' after sharing my point of view with them. Maybe so. I shall not lose the things I lost again. Well, at least those things that are within the bounds under my control, which are.....precious little. And I just happen to like thinking about them just that way.
Inside Happyness
I've been doing quite a bit of reflection recently with the holidays. With recent personal issues. With situations with relatives and friends. With health issues. With everything that is everyday life. And I keep defaulting back to a realization that I discovered to be most influential with my current moods.
I discovered that I had not been living my life with me in mind. About ten years ago, I married. Over a period of years, I became seriously unhappy without my knowledge or consent. As funny as that sounds, it took job changing, marriage ending, a new life start (because I had to) plus counseling to realize one of the most important items. Happyness, true happyness comes from inside. Inside you.
You can share your life with someone that enhances your happiness, but they cannot make your happy, or for that matter, keep you happy. Your own happiness has to be dependent on feelings, factors, stimulation, and enjoyment totally outside anyone else. You have to be happy with you yourself first. Then, take note of how you got there, what makes you that way, and don't forget it. Take notes. Memorize. Live it. Learn it.
Don't compromise for anyone. It ain't worth it. Unfortunately, I did, and it happened without my knowledge or consent. It has taken me some time to find that again. And I have. And never been happier. And, this time around, I'm not compromising.
I discovered that I had not been living my life with me in mind. About ten years ago, I married. Over a period of years, I became seriously unhappy without my knowledge or consent. As funny as that sounds, it took job changing, marriage ending, a new life start (because I had to) plus counseling to realize one of the most important items. Happyness, true happyness comes from inside. Inside you.
You can share your life with someone that enhances your happiness, but they cannot make your happy, or for that matter, keep you happy. Your own happiness has to be dependent on feelings, factors, stimulation, and enjoyment totally outside anyone else. You have to be happy with you yourself first. Then, take note of how you got there, what makes you that way, and don't forget it. Take notes. Memorize. Live it. Learn it.
Don't compromise for anyone. It ain't worth it. Unfortunately, I did, and it happened without my knowledge or consent. It has taken me some time to find that again. And I have. And never been happier. And, this time around, I'm not compromising.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Gotta Get Started Sometime, right?
So, it begins. Lately, I've had so many conversations with friends that have made me realize what i have learned in the short time of three years. Maybe some of the experiences that I have had can be beneficial to someone in my rantings. We shall see.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)