Use your Noodle, Peeps, Volume 1.

This past weekend my Dad and I were watching TV, and he had the news on, which is not normally something I watch.

They had a story about a 5 year old (yes, 5) and his Mommy had him 'mock' arrested by the Sheriff's Department because he 'needed a lesson about playing with matches.'

The Cops came out in a Sheriffs car, read the kid his rights, put him in kiddie cuffs (I'm assuming they have those) and hauled him off.

I've got a better solution:  Use your Head (a.k.a. NOODLE) that God gave you, and A) beat the kid senseless (my personal favorite, because Damn, sometimes I sure needed it growing up) or B) TAKE THE MATCHES AWAY. 

Mom:  "But this isn't the first time he's done it." Then you're an IDIOT, Mom.  Seriously.  Hide the matches.  It's called being smarter than a kid.  I'm questioning you on this one.  There's drain branmage there somewheres.  Gots ta be, chicky dee.

Then I have to look at the coppers.  Did they think this is a great idea?  Hey, let's go arrest, or just fake arrest, a 5 year old. Great idea, Gomer. If my parents would have thought that jewel up, I'd probably have gone on a hellbent mission to find those damn matches again so I could ride in the poh-lease car a second time (my parents did hide matches HIGHER THAN I COULD REACH after I played with 'em, THEN I got my ass beat). Fortunately, I learned.  Not sure this kid learned anything, much less Mom learning anything.  Seriously. Cause I guess when this kid gets older, maybe we'll call the Feds when he's not behaving in school.  Yeah, that's it.  Get ready Feds, Johnny doesn't want to go to Study hall.  Prison time.  Gotta teach the little hoodlum, cause yeah, this one has history - arrested at 5 for attempted arson.  Yeah Problem kid we got here.  Grab the drugs.

I'm gonna have to make a list of these.  There's some good stuff out there;  it's like a fart so good you can taste it.  There's a whole novel waiting, and I bet this is just the intro.