Getting back to it.

The last day and a half has been pretty weird.  Well, not weird, but kind of unexpected.  Or at least I thought I was done with some things for awhile.  Like grief.

Surprise!

For the last few months, I've been working toward getting my professional engineer license back active. A few years ago, I was granted inactive status, as I was going through some personal issues, family issues, lots of issues.  I didn't really know if I 'wanted' to be an engineer anymore.

So, anyway, the short is that I finally got enough hours to meet the continuing education requirement for inactive engineers, and submitted it to the board yesterday.

I took it to the post office, got one of those tracking things applied, came back to the car, and cried.

Lost it right there in the parking lot. 

Then came home, after a mind full of jumps and jukes and jibes, to stand in my kitchen and think of how the goolash my Mother used to make tasted.  And I wanted some.  And then lost it again.  Glad I was home alone at that moment.  Letting it out and hearing yourself echo through the house does one good.

Yesterday, I think I know what set me off.  Parental grief is weird; some things come out of nowhere.  When I put my PE license on inactive, it was one of the last things Dad and I really argued about.  Dad was from the old skool, where you worked or you didn't eat.  I know that he was proud of me for making it through the Corps at Texas A&M; I know that he was proud of me for graduating; I know that he was proud of me obtaining that PE license, and putting it on inactive really disappointed him.

I know I broke down becuase I knew he'd be proud of me for moving forward.
And I wanted to call him and tell him and then......I remembered. 

Sometimes it just kicks you square in the face, knocks you down, and chokes you. 

One of the sales guys I support questioned me today.  Thought I wasn't myself.  And I wasn't.  It carried through to today.  I went for 26 miles today on my bike with my friend Rick; he's motivating me to ride this week because he has a fairly long ride this weekend.  Getting a few stretch rides in.  It was good to blow off some steam on about a 5 minute stretch at 180 bpm, and all together a good thing.

Maybe tomorrow I'll be back to normal.  I know it is possible.
And I know Dad knows; no phone call required.

Miss ya Dad.