A Century in a Day....

Yes, I've told friends that I would cut my legs off before I ran a marathon, but 6 hours on a bike is just fine:

Houston to Shiner. At least there's beer at the end. This will be my 6th Century (for those that aren't familiar with the nomenclature, that's 100 miles in one day). It's fun, right?

I am looking forward to it. It will purge some stress that I continue to place wholly on myself. And maybe the weather will be just spectacular to boot.

A Wednesday Drive

Tonight, pretty much at the last minute, I decided to go for a drive.

"Why did the Aggie cross the road?"

"To get to the Chicken, of course...."

I left around sunset, windows down, cool breeze, and the drive from me casa to the Chicken is approximately the length of my favorite album evar, REK's Live Diner No. 2, from Floore's.

Windows down in latter April, and getting a non-humid chill is unusual for the H-town region.  It has been nice, and I haven't heard or made a single bitch about the weather. We are truly blessed.

Listening to a full album straight thru to which you know ever word, wind blowing in at 75 mph allows one to enjoy other things like sunsets, and smells such as truck brakes, burnt grass, and the occassional chicken farm and pasture full of cows. 

It was just a damn good drive.  One of my favorites. To meet a damn good friend, who lives a damn far distance away.  And I had a damn good time.  I bet she didn't know how much I needed to get out of Houston tonite; how much a simple 1.5 hour drive there and 1.5 hour drive back was worth every mile.  Enjoying friends for who they are just makes life worth it.  And the Chicken always throws down the ultimate attitudinal atomosphere, complete with high heels and skirts, and suits complete with Maroon Ties.

A great time.  Just what I particularly needed on this particular evening. 

On the way back, a song came upon the radio that I'd like to share.  It contains great advice, and it made the perfect end to a perfect evening.


Nite, all.

And then I realized.

I've got a few friends going through some deep shit right now.

I'd like to think that I am strong for them; that the advice I give, the experiences I share, maybe helping them see something good in something not so great will help them along.

I'd hope they don't see the part of me that breaks down and cries for a few minutes in the grocery store.  The part of me that isn't always strong; the part of me that is, well, human.

It wasn't a big thing.  I'm riding in a bike ride this weekend; the largest National MS Society Bike Tour in the nation, the Houston to Austin MS150.  I can't say that I am directly affected by Muscular Sclerosis, that is to say that I really don't know someone personally that is affected by such an unpredictable things.  So, this year, when I registered, I signed up for a program they have where they hook you up with a MS Survivor.  You have the opportunity to ride for them.

I have on my page that I ride for those that can't.  I had forgotten that I had signed up for a BIKE MS CHAMPION this year.  It surprised me when I got my ride materials.  A bandana that I will wear proudly was in my stuff, signed by Karen.  She lives in La Porte, on the East side of Houston.  This is my 5th year for this ride. I just realized it's different for me this year.

I went to the grocery store in search of Raspberry Kool-Aid brand koolaid.  It was the best suggestion, I think, of the ideas presented by others to color my beard blue.  Not permanently blue, but blue, but not wash-out blue, at least not immmediately wash out, but wash outable sometime. Actually, not really caring if it washed out or not, just as long as it didn't make a big blue mess.  After finding the Kool-aid, I just wandered around for a bit, looking down the empty aisles (I guess people are doing taxes?), picking up a few things. 

Then I realized that my friend Suz has a birthday tomorrow.  Well, I will tell you that if you know me, I'm terrible at birthdays, and if I remembered yours, it's either on Facebook, or in my phone.  I'm even more terrible at birthday cards, but, on the way out of the store, I'm headed down the aisle of cards. 

Well. So many choices. I always have issues with cards.  If i don't find one right off the bat, then, sorry, you probably aren't getting one from me.  Too bad.  Deal.  Usually you should consider yourself lucky if I remember to tell you at all, and double lucky if I'm on the right day.  Well, I should count success.  At least Suz' card will be mailed on the day of, "that's not too late is it?" I tell myself. 

And then I realized.

Monday is Dad's birthday. 

Now you would think that I would remember his birthday.  Well, I know it's in April, but for many years I regretfully admit the exact day has evaded me.  And, unless I was reminded directly in front of, I missed it.  Especially when I no longer lived at home.

After the fourth card I read for Dad, and they weren't applicable, I wept.  I'm glad I was alone.  And I'm glad I'm alone now, too.

I realized awhile ago that Dad is waiting.  For those that know, Dad is not in the best physical shape.  Since Mom passed, there's not really any will.  Not really any happiness. Not really any joy.  Not any motivation.  Just do the routine, just waiting. 

Well, I did find a card.  It was the 11th one I found, and I think it fits better than most:  "A birthday is the start of another 365 day journey around the Sun - Enjoy the ride."  I sure hope so.  I hope there's at least a few more journeys around the Sun. 

Maybe after riding 83 miles on Saturday, and 77 on Sunday, maybe i'll find the strength on Monday to make a drive to see Dad on his birthday. Maybe I need it as much as he does.

Happy Birthday, Dad.  Many more to come.

Hold On...

A conversation this week injected the thought in my brain.  That's about how it happens lately; someone says something, something clicks in the ol' brain, and then I'm intrigued to investigate and analyze.

"You wait too long."

Hm.  Lately, the simple, non 5 dollar, rediculously uncomplicated phrases seem to hit home runs.

Is that because I've learned to look for them, or learned to accept critiscisms, or what is it really?  Becuase this person really nailed it.

I do.  And it's not a super positive thing.

It might partially explain some things, and really explain lots more.

Might explain why I don't really have expectations for the most part.  I've just always expected that things good will happen to you if you wait long enough.  In career, I more times then not have set things up to where my work would maybe catch someone's eye, would get paid on the back end. I mean, wouldn't that be a reasonable expectation to wait for?  Um, yeah.

Definitely explains how simple things can really ruin a totally wonderful day, put you in a funk that requires the rest of the day, a good night sleep, and then moving a hot tub with minimal people to snap you out of your weird mood initiated by some cups in the sink that weren't there when you left.

Maybe it's the fact that since i'm trading, i'm willing to ride the wave down, but not ride the wave up.  I wait too long in the wrong direction.  I don't wait long enough on the up, but the down I will wait all day.  Two days.  Successive days past two.

Hm.

I am trying to do better, for sure.  And am doing better, at least I think so.  Trying to make those expectations that I've never had, trying to make a plan for the future.  Attempting to answer the question, "what's your five year plan?"  I need to as my buddy Google that question and see what he has to say. 

Frankly, sometimes I feel so stupid on how to start the really important stuff.  That's when I try to communicate, to learn, to feed off someone else's thoughts, actions, or just work to make a change, a small change at first for the better.

I'm getting the message...no more holding on....it's time to fish or cut bait, shit or get off the pot, or make like a baby and head out....head out in the driver's seat.